I had a job interview today. I had a different job interview a few days ago to help run a pre-school program associated with a pretty cool charter school in Red Hook. I'd told myself I didn't want the job because the hours are long and I'm still in school, not to mention Red Hook is difficult to get to from this side of Prospect Park without a car. Then I got an email from them saying they have chosen to "continue with other candidates" and my heart sank. Why not me? What did I do wrong? What did I say? What didn't I say? But I think I know the answer: I wasn't passionate about the position. It's not quite what I want to do but I pursued the interview because I need a job, money. The stress my poverty brings me on a daily basis verges on the brink of an anxiety disorder and seriously affects my sleep. I hate money, how necessary it is. But, that's the world.
Anyway, the job I interviewed for today is much the same. A job I'm not all that interested in but it'll pay the bills while I finish school. The types of jobs I really want I can't get because my background is all wrong for them. Without my graduate degree complete I have little background in policy - the transition to this field is kicking my ass but I won't give up. Not without a serious fight. In fact, I suppose I should be anticipating tears and bloody knuckles. I knew this wouldn't be easy and it isn't. It's fucking hard. But I'm strong, resilient. I'll keep chugging and my wonderful friends and family will always be there to help me along. I'm actually quite blessed and have learned how to truly appreciate good things when they do come. I may have written most of that last part to cheer myself up but I also mostly believe it.
I hope they offer me the job. And I hope they don't. I wonder if I should wait one more month for all those policy positions floating around out there with my resume in the mix to meet their deadline, wait for someone to send me an email asking when I'm available for a phone interview. Then an in-person interview. Then a "Congratulations, we like you best!" Wouldn't that be lovely?
I need to edit my resume. Make it snappier. Flashier. Impressiver.
I then got free coffee at a cafe where a friend of mine is a barista. She's almost always happy. It's nice. She flirts with cute men who buy her cappuccinos and experiments with coffee art. Why can't I be that care-free? Care-free...what the hell is that?!?! I know it when I see it though I'm not sure I've ever experienced it. I suppose caring is good, worrying is bad. I need to work on that. I don't worry, I care. Yes. Sure.
Then a subway ride with a good book. Walk the dog. Eat. Debate whether or not I should go for a run before it gets dark and then remember that I haven't bought a new pair of tennis shoes yet. Now the goal is: a workout video (Jillian Michaels is such a bitch), a good dinner using the salmon I bought (frozen), then applying for jobs while I watch a movie in the background. Perfect for a foggy Wednesday afternoon.
I still love this city.
Anyway, the job I interviewed for today is much the same. A job I'm not all that interested in but it'll pay the bills while I finish school. The types of jobs I really want I can't get because my background is all wrong for them. Without my graduate degree complete I have little background in policy - the transition to this field is kicking my ass but I won't give up. Not without a serious fight. In fact, I suppose I should be anticipating tears and bloody knuckles. I knew this wouldn't be easy and it isn't. It's fucking hard. But I'm strong, resilient. I'll keep chugging and my wonderful friends and family will always be there to help me along. I'm actually quite blessed and have learned how to truly appreciate good things when they do come. I may have written most of that last part to cheer myself up but I also mostly believe it.
I hope they offer me the job. And I hope they don't. I wonder if I should wait one more month for all those policy positions floating around out there with my resume in the mix to meet their deadline, wait for someone to send me an email asking when I'm available for a phone interview. Then an in-person interview. Then a "Congratulations, we like you best!" Wouldn't that be lovely?
I need to edit my resume. Make it snappier. Flashier. Impressiver.
I then got free coffee at a cafe where a friend of mine is a barista. She's almost always happy. It's nice. She flirts with cute men who buy her cappuccinos and experiments with coffee art. Why can't I be that care-free? Care-free...what the hell is that?!?! I know it when I see it though I'm not sure I've ever experienced it. I suppose caring is good, worrying is bad. I need to work on that. I don't worry, I care. Yes. Sure.
Then a subway ride with a good book. Walk the dog. Eat. Debate whether or not I should go for a run before it gets dark and then remember that I haven't bought a new pair of tennis shoes yet. Now the goal is: a workout video (Jillian Michaels is such a bitch), a good dinner using the salmon I bought (frozen), then applying for jobs while I watch a movie in the background. Perfect for a foggy Wednesday afternoon.
I still love this city.
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